This new year already has a completely different feel to it. A new vibe. A new look. A new taste. A new perspective. Altogether I feel as though a new me has reentered a new Refilwe. In this “newness” I have decided to write to my readers honestly, meaning I am going to try to help you see this experience through my eyes, my heart, and my soul the best I can- without breaking any confidentiality rules :) So many of you have supported me above and beyond what I could ever ask for. You deserve to know what you are supporting in its fullest. The good, the bad, the truth, the lies, the heartbreak, the beauty and the transformations.
If you read my most recent blog, back in December, you know things have seriously changed around here. Our Director and "Father" of Refilwe left, due to very unfortunate circumstances. Circumstances that I've come to learn I will never find real truth in, only this side, that side of things. I have accepted that. I know where I stand though, and I will fight if I must to stand that ground firmly.
We are in a process of change. In that, there is always heartbreak, disagreements, struggle, excitement and hope. Right now my heart is feeling a bit of each. But most of all, I have hope. I do believe everything happens for a reason, and the question of that reason is where the hope lies. At the moment, things are quite messy, and we are all busy picking up the pieces that broke three months ago, and the ones broken since then. That means that certain jobs are being covered for those absent, we are trying to come together to understand what is happening, and trying to compensate for what is lost. We are without a "leader" at the moment, and I see the effects of that. Children and people taking advantage of the fact that there is no "fear" (for lack of a better word) that a leader brings. That's what parents, bosses, etc are for. They help to keep you in line and to remind you what is acceptable and what is not. The rest is in your own integrity, which not everyone has. So people are stepping in and trying to be the best leader they can, and I appreciate that so much. When working and living in a child based home/care center/school... whatever- we need someone over it all. We need a "Father" or "Mother". So without that, things are sloppy, but we're trying. I need to add that we do need prayer or positive vibes or support in whatever form through this. I believe that everything will be okay. I know amazing things will come. It's the transition that's difficult.
As for me, I am wondering what I'm doing here. I know I am supposed to be here, but why? I have a feeling that this year is going to be one of the biggest roller coaster rides I have ever been on, but it will be for something beautiful. I don't have all positive love and peaceful feelings about the next 11 months. But those feelings do lie in between the crevices, and out the other end.
I am back at work. New work. Started Jan. 9. I am cooking, cleaning, cooking, cleaning. Right now there are about 30 +- students in the preschool, but we're expecting more as the month comes to a close. It's all go from about 630am until between 2 and 3pm. I will take some pictures and try to get someone to do the same for me so you guys can actually see where I work and what I am doing. But for now, that's all you get :)
Again, please keep me and Refilwe- our children, our parents, our staff, our homes, our safety and our hearts in your mind and prayers. Thank you!