So... I'm sure by now you have learned that I suck at blogging. I have no excuse for it. But I am sorry that I haven't been better about keeping you updated. I figure this will be my last post until I return in January so I will summarize things a bit.
(after staring at the screen for 10 minutes figuring out where to begin):
A lot has changed.
This entire year has been one thing after another, and unfortunately I cannot say there wasn't much heartbreak involved. We have seen a lot of people come in and out of our lives. No doubt transforming our hearts and the way we live. I believe our volunteers have such a huge impact on Refilwe, whether it be individuals committing weeks or months of their lives, or groups who come through briefly and BUST THEIR BUMS working. I believe there is such a bond that is formed when people come here and experience this life with us. Relationships that I know will last forever. The children are so blessed to have so many people from all over the world come to be with them and help to make their home a better place. Although it is always painful to say goodbye, their lives were touched and blessed forever. I have been fortunate enough to cater two volunteer groups (a taste of what the entire year of 2013 will look like). It is no doubt a full time job, but man I love it. Because so often our volunteer groups are running around with a long list of jobs to be done, catering gives me the chance to actually get to know them and spend time with them, not just see them from afar, greet them in passing, and say thank you and goodbye after a week. I understand the sacrifices made in this kind of work and I am thankful for the opportunity to really share our lives for a brief moment.
The individual volunteers who have come through have been some of the most unique, most amazing people I have ever met. No matter how close I become I know that a life long relationship has been built. I don't believe there is any escaping it. Amongst the daily chaos we always know that we can turn to each other and understand one another. It's hard to put into words, especially because writing is far from a strong suit for me- but there is just something incredibly special about these relationships. The levels of our inevitable bonding are extremely emotional and lay very deep. It's like our hearts become so open and so vulnerable here it's hard to keep someone out. I feel like I fall in love over and over again with every new face who comes here, and whether or not they know it or like it, they have all taken a little piece of me with them and i've secretly stolen a piece of them, that I will never forget. No matter how short their time was here, I remember every name and face of each individual who has joined our little volunteer family. I have made some amazing friends that live all over the world. I have new brothers, sisters, a very special, extraordinary second mother and family.
We have had to say goodbye to a lot of people. Two of whom were rocks of Refilwe and built it into what it is today. In those goodbyes, we have all suffered, cried, felt anger, and confusion. And now we are trying to come together to pick up the pieces and move forward. It seems as though everything has changed. I believe that this change will be good and is necessary but it's the transition that is the challenge. I can only hope and pray that we can be strong enough to make it through this transition and come out stronger, closer, and that Refilwe will be rebuilt into something a thousand times more amazing than anything we ever hoped for. This is a difficult subject to write about. I feel like I have so much to say, so much that I feel that I cannot express in this way. So I will only say this: we are absolutely in a time of need. There is no doubt a long road ahead of us, and if you find yourself praying or thinking about Refilwe- keep it in your hearts that there are many broken, but we are working hard to come together. I do believe what we are experiencing is necessary and as hard as it may be- everything does happen for a reason. There are beautiful things coming. We will come together as a community, and as a family. This is an amazing project and we have already come such a long way. I look forward to our future and the future of our children, our abandoned babies who we find homes for, our families, our staff, our animals, our volunteers, our school and the overall transformation of lives. I know without a doubt- everything is going to be okay. Please keep the love and prayers coming.
As for me and my future here at Refilwe- I will land back in SA on Jan. 3, six days before the school year starts. I will be running the kitchen which means I will be feeding our precious little preschoolers breakfast snack and lunch Monday through Friday, preparing our weekly community dinners, catering to all volunteer groups who come to stay with us- which means I keep their home stocked for breakfast and cook them one or two hot breakfasts, lunch and dinner. Everyday. When I said earlier it was a full time job, I meant it. I will cater Board Meetings, and i'm sure a few random "feedings" here and there. My job is to cook. You know, I've always enjoyed cooking even briefly considered Culinary school, but I never would have imagined this opportunity coming my way. It's truly amazing how things work out. I feel extremely blessed and although I know I will be the busiest I may have ever been, I wouldn't change it for the world. I have committed to one year of this, and we'll see what happens after that ;)
Also, I am REALLY REALLY hoping to get myself a car. It is very difficult to rely on vehicles here and considering that this is my home, my life now... I feel like I need my own baby. By that I mean car. So check it out- I would like to ask a very special favor. I will be receiving a small stipend for the work I will be doing in the kitchen but I can assure you, it will cover my living expenses, and not that of a car . If you or anyone you know are willing to help me make it possible to purchase/ rent my own vehicle- know that it is a MASSIVE HELP. By this maybe you can commit to giving me your spare change every month. We had a car designated only for the kitchen, but she is pretty much dead and we can't exactly afford another one. Trips to the shops are necessary and frequent, especially when volunteer groups are around. We make it by now, but it's difficult when one car is being shared by so many people. This car will be used to keep the kitchen stocked, and bellies full. It will also be used for my personal errands, and occasional adventures. I thought I'd throw it out there and see what kind of help I can get. Anything is appreciated. As hard as it is for me to ask for money, this is the life I have chosen to live. One where I work and make no money. Ha. But again, I wouldn't change it for the world. I believe that if I am meant to be here, everything will work out, as it already has thus far. Spread the word :)
Well, I board the plane Friday evening and will be landing in Los Angeles on Saturday. I am beyond excited and flippin nervous to be back. It's going to be amazing to reunite and be with my family over the holidays. I have a lot of work to do concerning my visa, passport, international driver's license (or lack of), so i will no doubt be kept busy. But I cannot wait. I can humbly say that I will be coming home with completely different eyes. I know I have changed and grown so much, and without the pain and suffering, the love and support, that wouldn't have happened. So as I close this chapter and open a new one, I'd like to say Thank you to all of you for reading my blogs, for praying for me, for supporting me and for loving me. None of this would be possible without you. I feel as though I am in debt to you. For now I pay you with my love and gratitude that will never cease. You guys are freakin amazing.
So for the last time in 2012- I am sending you all my love and thanks from SA. I'll see you now now ;)
